Shedding Light on the Statistic: What We Need to Understand About Bullying

Last week Children First Canada released a powerful and extensive report: “Top 10 Threats to Childhood in Canada – A Generation at Risk: How Childhood in Canada Has Deteriorated.” 

At first glance, it’s not an easy read. Ten threats are listed—each one heavy, sobering, and urgent. Among them are issues no child should ever have to face, such as poverty, violence, discrimination, and poor mental health. As I moved through the report, I couldn’t help but feel the weight of it. These aren’t just numbers on a page. They represent children in our classrooms, our neighbourhoods, our communities.

For 26 years, Dare to Care Bully Prevention and Life Skills has walked alongside schools, teams, and communities across Canada. We’ve listened to thousands of children’s stories—the whispered confessions in gymnasiums, the trembling voices in classrooms, the quiet tears after a workshop. We’ve seen firsthand the devastation that true bullying causes. 

The report states that 71% of youth aged 12–17 report being bullied. On the surface, that number feels staggering—alarming, even. The fact that so many young Canadians reported being bullied is something that we must take seriously because every child deserves to feel safe in their community. But here’s where I pause. Globally, and within Canada, reported bullying rates are significantly lower. Most studies point to around 1 in 5 children being impacted, not 7 in 10. So, what’s happening here?

Could it be that the definition of bullying used in this study was too broad? Were the questions asked in a way that might confuse normal conflict—something every child experiences—with the very real, very harmful dynamics of bullying?

This distinction matters. Conflict is part of growing up. It teaches kids resilience, negotiation, and empathy. Bullying, on the other hand, is something else entirely: it’s targeted, intentional, and relentless. It strips children of safety, belonging, and dignity.

“Bullying is when an individual or group is targeted with repetitive, harmful and intentional behaviour. In true bullying situations, there is an imbalance of power between the bully and their targets, who often feel helpless and unable to defend themselves.” (UNESCO definition of bullying - 2023)

I remember one young boy who stayed behind after a school workshop. His shoulders were slumped, and his voice was barely above a whisper. “They keep calling me names every day during recess,” he said. “They won’t let me play soccer, no matter how many times I ask.” That was bullying. The exclusion, repetition, and intentional harm was crushing his confidence.

Contrast that with another child I met, who described a heated argument with her best friend over a group project. Hurt feelings were involved, yes, but it wasn’t bullying. It was a conflict, and with guidance, those friends were able to repair the relationship.

By blurring the line between the two, we risk doing more harm than good. Parents may live in unnecessary fear. Schools may feel overwhelmed. Children may start to see every difficult interaction as bullying—when in fact, they may be experiencing normal (albeit uncomfortable) social conflict.

At Dare to Care, equipping classrooms and sports teams with a common language is key. Just as we have seen in this study, there are differing understandings for what bullying is, which leads to challenges in addressing it. For this reason, we’ve created three clear categories to provide communities with the language to accurately identify different situations. Coaches, teachers, caregivers–we encourage you to review this chart with your students, athletes and children. Print it out, hang it up, and refer back to it often.

Let me be clear: I am not, for a moment, minimizing the very real and long-lasting damage bullying inflicts. I’ve seen it. I’ve heard it. I’ve held space for the children and families who’ve been devastated by it. But in order to make lasting change, we must ground our prevention and intervention strategies in clarity, education, and a shared, globally accepted definition of bullying.

Because at the heart of this isn’t just a statistic. It’s a child. A child who deserves not only safety, but also truth, guidance, and a community that can tell the difference between a tough moment and a toxic pattern. And that is the story we must never lose sight of.